That’s Life Though

“People are going to talk about you. Just smile and them miserable.” -anonymous

Twitter beef is pretty intense and pretty entertaining too. I personally don’t use twitter actively myself but every now and again I hear some celebrity trying to start something with another celebrity on the news and all of a sudden a storm of fans will jump in and retweet whatever side they choose.

I personally just watch people do their thing and write about whatever I see here on my blog for you guys to read but just imagine that for me: hiding in a corner or somewhere where everything just unfolds in front of you and it fascinates you so much you can’t help but tell someone, anyone, or even the whole world haha. Maybe it’s just a me thing but I don’t really mind because my life isn’t identical to anyone else’s but I want to

Whether anyone actually reads my stories or not, I continue to write because I’m passionate about documenting my life and hearing about other peoples’.

I’m keeping this post short because I’m currently enjoying my summer and planning how to spend it. I’ll be back for more stories for you guys! Until next time my beloved readers.

Float and Let Be

“Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.” -Muhammad Ali

It’s 3 am in the morning and I wake up half dead from about ahh say an hour and a half of sleep give or take. I contemplated why I’m even up so early and where did my face..”oh..” I said as I looked into the mirror. Not exactly photo ready in that moment I must say but it was enough motivation to fluff up my dark circles and dead looking skin.

Not to say I’m insecure in any way but I’m a fairly normal human bean when it comes to it. I grabbed my flannel jacket and baseball hat to shield my eyes and arms for whatever peculiar weather my sister had forewarned me about haha.

Still half asleep too I’ll tell you one of the dumbest things you can do half asleep..take a nice deep sip of nice scorching hot coffee. Yes, I did this incredibly dumb thing so judge me. But no really it was enough to wake me up nonetheless.

So I make my way to the car my uncle is driving since overnight parking at the airport is ridiculous as -well whatever floats your boat. Dowsing off to the iTunes music that I happened to drive to Walmart for around midnight in fear of dying of boredom on my close to 6 hour flight, the car stops and the lights of the airport illuminate my face then as if magic hit me.

Plop! I’m on a plane to Detroit. Which makes me think of the scene in the movie Karate Kid where the man on the plane says, “Dude..I’m from Detroit!”

By this time I was about 75% sure I was awake so I did some exploring in Michigan since I was laid over for about 3 hours but to my surprise I met a volunteer worker who reminded a lot of my favorite English teacher. She was curious about me enough to ask where I was headed and what was my reason? I beamed at her and told her a little too much on how excited I was to be able to see half of my other family I rarely ever got to see. Her response was a well-meant giggle and was surprised about how suddenly enthusiastic I became when she asked me that question. Little did I know I was going to be engaged in what was a 2 hour long conversation on what I was doing in college and what my dreams and ambitions were. I honestly told her I had an idea but I really didn’t have an actual clue. Her words encouraged me try a new direction. I’ll save this for a later story.

My actual destination was to Minneapolis to see my one and only sister graduate the living hell that is high school. But funny story aha, I almost missed boarding this flight getting too passionate about finding-

MOMENTS LATER AFTER ARRIVAL:

My phone! Driver’s license, University ID, and my debit card all stolen. How did I know? I ask my bank through customer service. Crazy to believe people can be so shallow as steal my things when I’m the dressing room trying on clothes. At a mall where people are too hyped up on getting dope ass clothes to do the right thing.

I lucked out with this one having paid for some insurance and not extremely impossible application processes to get my license and debit card back but I’ll be phone less for a while. Let’s just hope I don’t die or get stuck  in a ditch somewhere in need of help or attention. GOOD BYE CRUEL WORLD!

How exciting..to cry over such a sour day. But I’m keeping my head up. There are somethings I shouldn’t let bother me anyway and a police report sounds perfect to hear before a long long night.

The Writer, The Artist, and The Chemist

“You’d be surprised how often what if works.” -anonymous

So I want to try something different today. I want to tell you a made up story about a girl who doesn’t quite get who she is, where she’s going, and how she feels. I’m also going to throw in a few potential love interest although you can decide which you like best later.

No this isn’t some erotic fan fiction or weird sappy love story, because honestly Nicholas Sparks is a great writer and all but with due respect he isn’t exactly realistic enough for someone like me.
THE STORY:

So let me tell you a little about her. She’s very average and whether it’s in grades, looks, or interests, she remains that: average. Of course she may have one or two things about her that make her feel slightly unique but who doesn’t?

She feels confused, is struggling to communicate, is always angry, or just having a bad day and they all happen either one at a time and then sometimes all at once.

But despite everything in herself and life, she’s still building who she is although she’s confident in who she is current and will eventually become. She’s not afraid to accept that people come and go and some change and some stay the same consistently. For her she has to look at every aspect of life before she can be certain of it’s worth because she’s been hurt and weary of everything around her. She doesn’t try to be deep and isn’t looking for anyone to tell her out of want of recognition, she just has a voice that she wants to people to hear and opinions, feelings, and so on that like many others just want to express.

A hard nut to crack probably but there’s potential in you little peanut you just have to know what you want and what you deserve is what I would say to her.

In life I know we can never avoid the romantic so called “love life” aspect and so this girl considers it a luxury because she can feels like it’s only fatal because she knows when she finally falls in love, she has to keep enough strength to carry herself if it turns out short-lived.

So potential love interest number one is someone she never would admit to liking, not because she was ashamed of liking him but it was because she felt so much lesser than him and if anything he intimidated and awed her. He had spunk, ambition, a generous smile, and a personality that could wrap itself around you in a way that made you feel like the sky was your limit.His hugs were friendly and well executed. The problem is, she never wants to tell him and she is perfectly happy doing so because he had already had another and if it meant hurting that relationship, she would never forgive herself anyhow unless they fall out of love..but by then she may have moved on. Killing (her) softly with his words…the writer.

Potential love interest number two is someone that jumped into her life and showed her a different approach to life. He was wise beyond his years and was always the type to look after her. He’s also the type to be keen on emotions and read anyone like a book it seems. He was a unique mix of laughs, food, scotch, and unpopular films. He was smart, funny, tall, handsome, and mysterious not to mention very ambitious. What he wants she can never tell and to show him she liked him, she should never expect a direct response because it was only partially clear in his actions which would be his only response sometimes. She could pry and he would be direct but he..is figuring out his life too. She could and would wait for him to figure himself out and to be where he wants to be, but would he remember her past the nights in his sheets, long walks here and there, and finally explore her enough to know who she is and what she’s truly like? Would she be someone he could stay with forever and would he want to call his? Will he be the one that makes her happy? Will he change? Will he stick it out as much as she’s willing to? Explaining his approach to others like her might make one ask too many questions yet learn so many things about him..the chemist.

The third potential interest is an interesting character. He seems like the type to have dated around and have a specific type he likes. He knows how to carry himself well and isn’t afraid of adventures, exploration, and just having fun. Yet, he always want others to know that deep inside he truly is an insightful person and wants to things to naturally come to him and conversations to just flow. The same type of conversations she seeks in the people she meets. He was expressive, impressive, fun, and warm. He’s the life of the party yet the paper you doodle on for comfort late at night. She shared many interests with him such as painting, drawing, singing, exploring, talking, and gazing at stars or whatever was the sky. But to no surprise, she was still interested in someone else and likewise for him. Two people so alike yet afraid of coming to together although..art is left to others to interpret and it’s okay if no one gets it but it’s to be respected the way she respects him and he respects her. The artist…

 

Huffy Little Toast

“To be human is a problem and the problem expresses itself in anguish.” -Abraham Joshua Heschel

Ever have those moments when so much emotion binds itself inside you? Possibly from suppressing feelings you have due to the negative side effects you know those feelings have on those around you so you tell yourself that although you might feel better now, you can ultimately have others stray away from you simply because they don’t understand you or don’t like the energy you put out there.

Cynical as it sounds, negative energy is something very inevitable in my life and maybe yours too. Every time I feel negative, I fear, I resent, I scream, I snap, and then finally I cry. It’s human nature, we’re just fleshy beings that have this thing called feelings. 

I’m pretty sure aliens would probably be just as confused as to how we managed to live as much as we do. But never fear! It’s always okay to let them show. Always.

I understand personally that it’s kind of embarrassing when you cry in front of someone you really don’t know that well because you feel they might judge you or whatever else but but but (yes this was intentional) maybe if they do judge you, there aren’t worth having in your life. Sometimes you have to remember your own opinions and your own views and you as a person are important too. 

If you’re like me, you tend to value too much on what everyone around you needs instead of your own and like I’ve told myself continuously, if you think expressing your thoughts, opinions, or views are selfish then be selfish. 

Just don’t be greedy. This is just me saying don’t take someone else’s happiness in the process. But it’s almost that time of year: graduations, warm beaches, watermelons, and Popsicles. That’s all you need to worry about right now, make time for the most important person in your life. You. 

Silent Wishes

“The very essence of romance is uncertainty.” -Oscar Wilde

Don’t misread here! I’m not trying to sell you a designer or fancy name-brand perfume or tell you about some extremely steamy tv show or novel I’m read/watched although some of you may be into that sort of thing, I don’t know and I have no room to care let alone judge you either haha. 

I am however going to try to something different with this article. My goal is to metaphorically tell you what it’s truly like inside this head of mine so we can see more of what happens behind the scenes of what I put out there for you guys to see such as on my social media. 

By now, I hope you guys know I’m a college freshman who’s going into nursing and trying to find a minor to put on the back burner. If not, now you know that much. I’m honestly just like every other person you’ll meet except I may more in tuned with the people like you who are around me instead of being in tuned with who I am personally.

The reason for this is I see my life as if it were a film (through some rose-colored glasses too) constantly playing day in and day out, light or dark. The saying “through rose-colored glasses” means I’m always looking for the absolute best in people no matter what. It’s like having blind optimism for something you don’t quite understand completely. This is a romantic idea that I grew up with and I blame all the time I spent in my childhood watching anime or cartoons, cheesy rom-coms, and etc with my favorite grandma but I honestly don’t mind it. 

Don’t get me wrong, I have been known to be quite bitter too and I have occasionally misread people due to the face that I have not been able to determine what they’re thinking. I admit to have said hurtful words and push my negativity towards those I hold dear to me and at one point I was tempted to break off all my connections with them.  

And as outrageous as this may sound, I myself, don’t know how I ever manage to end on a positive note in some of these articles. I honestly just tell myself, I am learning still and I can’t always run or hide from things that unnerve me and even if I can’t control how I feel or know quite how to get out of certain situations, I’m never hesitant to talk it out with a or some friend(s) that I feel I can wholeheartedly trust. 

Sometimes I may end up ironically telling them my life story behind ironic laughs or snorts and possibly binging on a lot of food that I probably shouldn’t have as the clock draws closer to midnight and beyond. Freshman 15 is real guys, so watch what you eat when you start focusing on that college education or just life after high school really, I understand college isn’t for everyone and if you’re a high schooler reading this..I find you very interesting. You are rare where I come from my friend. 

Days may drag on and on throughout the year anywhere really but I guess it’s how you choose to live every individual day you are here in whatever place in whatever time and accepting that’s where you come from or why you grew up the way you did or how you do what you do. It’s always about what you want for yourself and how practical and how open are you to accepting help to get you there. 

So I thought I might end this article with an explanation as to why I named this one, “Secret Wishes”. Well if you think about it, who we are and who we want to be can either be the same or completely different depending on how much time we spend on wishing for the impossible you know? Make it happen. Easier said then done? Maybe. But you will never truly know until you try. 

The Secret to Overcoming Things

Dear stress, let’s break up. -anonymous 

I started out this last article as though I was in pain and dwelling in the problems I might have created for myself in the deep corners of my mind and now that I debate everything in my life I also wanted to add:No matter what it is that is thrown into my life, I can never seem to find the words to describe quite what it is that makes me skewer my own perspective from time to time. You might disagree as you read more and more of my journal entries however I expect nothing less from a very seemingly accepting audience. Cough cough. I honestly don’t mind being judged by you guys anymore at this point. Some people will read my posts and others will ignore my posts so I really have nothing to lose. 

I can get really worked up over my own thoughts and it sure as hell not pretty and these few couple of weeks have been a little mini hell for me if I’m honest. 

First off, one of my favorite on campus employees passed away and then later my close friend in my choral class. Now it would hurt me even if my choral and I weren’t close however because we were close, it hurts me that much more. In fact having choir class with that knowledge made my heart twinge in pain. 

Secondly, the lady would always gives a free sample on every milkshake she made and smile through her fatigue expressions then crack a joke at me if she sensed I had an even slightly stressful day. My friend was someone who appreciated every little that you could do for her and she even went out of the way to interact with everyone. For awhile it felt like she was my only friend in my choral class and at times I still feel so. 

But what I tell myself is that whether or not I believe in heaven and hell or nothing at all, I know that she is free from her upper respiratory suffering and that she will live on in my heart or really in my brain maybe mind..because she was a memory in my life that I hope to keep with me for awhile.

Hurting 

Everything you want is on the other side of fear. -Jack Canfield

Stuck somewhere cold, dark, and alone (we are). I could say just me but why not be inclusive right? Yoda wouldn’t have let you go to the dark side and neither would I.

Sorry that got nerdy real fast! Let’s recap.

Pain isn’t exactly anything new or nonetheless enjoyable. It’s like falling face first down a good three flight of stairs or running straight into a bus and not a nice bus that pulls you through puberty no, but like a student loan bus that make you rethink life.

Now I say there’s bad pain and good pain even if not all pain is wanted.

Take it from someone that isn’t exactly emotional stable and inept at expressing her inner most feelings with others to a degree. I constantly battle myself for validation on my feelings, opinions, etc. I get that there’s a lot that goes on  in a day and that everyone can’t always pick up on how you feel let alone what you say but something in my mind keeps telling that maybe you should keep this “thing” to yourself.

To better explain I’ll tell you yet another story in this weird lifetime of mine. Awhile back I had a small falling out with some very close friends of mine and I almost lost everything I wanted to keep around in my life..or so I thought. Truth be told, I’m not a perfect human being and I’m pretty sure no matter how great someone plays themselves up to be, they may just surprise you with a secret or two to guard their vulnerability they claim they don’t have. Whether you’re always insecure about who you are, where you stand, what you look like, wear, do, say, just remember that there’s nothing wrong with you being you but I will say this.

If you think change in yourself or in life is beneficial to you and is something you wish you could do better yourself then slowly change into something that you can share with others and say hey, “This is me. I’m great. I can do anything, so watch me.”

Personally, for me this is hard because I’m an independent minded person but I feel dependently. What I mean is when it comes to experiencing things like attraction, inspiration. motivation, interest, pain, fear, etc; I have to see it through the eyes of another person or connect with others in a substantial way that not only makes me comfortable but makes others happy.

In my last article I mention why it’s okay to be selfish mainly because you can’t always give to others all the time even if you would like to. We all have limitations however it doesn’t mean we aren’t capable of doing great things because we see things fail in front of us. You can’t be afraid to fail and you can’t be afraid to build yourself back up from square one. Who knows? You maybe your own best friend, lover, and all that good stuff and there’s nothing wrong with that but you have to be careful of how your actions may affect others if you see that they only wish to help better you.

Teamwork is something that is hard to make work just because different strengths and weaknesses aren’t always easy to put together and make great but I can tell you it’s worth it! Try to surround myself with those that truly inspire you and don’t seek to morph into another person but shape who you’d like to see yourself become in the future.

Attachments and other petty things should never drag you down and they won’t if  you develop a strong, open mindset rather than a fixed one.

There’s a lot going on in my life and I have lost motivation for almost everything which should be obvious since my blog posts seem to come later and later but to each their own.

Live Simple .

Less stuff, more life. -anonymous 

I’m not entirely sure if you guys know this but, I’m been trying to shift into a more minimalistic lifestyle.

Well first let me explain the idea of a minimalistic lifestyle. A minimalistic lifestyle is one that involves letting go of things that hold you back or invoke negative feelings inside you and once you rid yourself of the material or mental things inside you that hold you back, you’re life becomes more open for you to explore and let that inner you speak.

 It gives you more time to do the things you’ve always wanted to do in life and not stress over all the things that bother you. I’m not saying it means you should neglect even your school work or career but minimalism helps minimalize the stress, anxiety, and so on and so forth. 

Also switching gears, today 1/16/16 my front bumper popped out of my car and I spun out of control in the middle the road but luckily I spun into the a small grassy ditch instead onto oncoming traffic. I literally would have wet my pants if I didn’t have my phone in my hand. But honestly it was just a comfort item since there was a hidden neighborhood apparently beside a gas station nearby and a few men had heard the bumper pop and came out to help me push my car out of the ditch and luckily I was alive and could drive again. It’s still pretty insane because it happened almost like a movie scene where people were readily available… I wish I had ask the name of my heroes today but I was too traumatized to even move my mouth. Whoever you are! Thank you so very very much from the small Asian-American girl in the red leather jacket.

New Year New Perspective 

I dare you to say new year, new me! -majority of people

So it’s a week and half into this unpredictable year of 2016 and many of us are off to a rough start and I know I sure was! But I wouldn’t let discourage us.

Truth is the hardest part about anything is indeed starting it. For example, if you just bought a new game and your stuck on an intense defeat the boss level it’s pretty hard to figure out how to kill the boss right away but once you get a strategy going it’s all down hill for that bad boy..or girl depending on which game your playing. 

Each day is a new page, and every month is a new chapter, and every year is a story in which you tell yourself what you’ve done in your life. If your telling yourself it’s a pretty shitty book then maybe it’s time you took a risk and embrace something different. Zip lining, boxing, and hiking are on my bucket this year! And don’t be discouraged if you can’t think of something you want to do because there is no obstacle you can’t overcome! Seriously, you are capable of many things, and sure I don’t know you personally but that’s what I’m working on.