I Hope This Reaches You

You’re mine could’ve been should’ve been but never was and never will be

To the boy I use to like,

When I first encountered you, I never would’ve imagined thinking such negative things about you. I never once thought you could do a damn thing wrong. I never thought I would keep myself awake worrying if you had forgotten me or about anyone forgetting me in that way. 

Maybe somewhere in between the messages we shared and sometimes the cheesy posts on Instagram about who was who’s mcm or wcw, I was lost and caught up with the idea that you liked me too. 

I had explained in the very beginning when you first messaged me, if you didn’t genuinely like me that you should kindly back off. I remember in those messages too that I knew you’d forget me but you probably thought I was being negative, well I was but because I was scared. I was scared someone like you would come into my life make me feel some kind of way and leave me cold; and to no great surprise, you did exactly that. 

I never told you but I resented you. I resented you so much that I once thought I was the problem. I was the one who imagined those dates, those moments, and those jokes we would’ve shared beyond the messages; and maybe I was. 

It could’ve been me that made up everything that happened between those messages I mean, after all, I’ve never met you in person but I felt like I did, I never thought I’d find you cute but I did, I never thought I could’ve develop feelings for someone like you but I did. 

Sometimes I question it, asking what the hell went wrong? If we had it so great why did it rot away? For me it was when you needed your space, and I respected that. But days turned into weeks and weeks turned into a month, so I was worried and I contemplated about whether or not to ask you how we’re doing in fear of bothering you. I tried my best to comfort you but you weren’t cooperating with me and then you threw it on me. Those words you have been holding back from me since the first time we messaged,

“I’m sorry I don’t think I can really like anyone, I don’t know how.”

Was that a fact? If so I reluctantly accepted them and hated them for leaving me with a bitter taste in my mouth. And if that wasn’t enough I had to find out I wasn’t the only one you “liked”. So be it I wasn’t that special, and well no shit. To you I might as well be a pile of- never mind. 

But in that moment I decided to return your favor, so I left you hanging until this day and to forget about you, I tried my best to remove you from my life from everywhere you could contact me. 

Those stupid names we gave each other that were once sweet now feel sour. You might have had a pineapple monarchy and I might have had fucked up lungs (this sentence is a bunch of puns not exactly literal just FYI) but those things no longer exist and the reason I’m writing this to for you to know, I did miss you, I did want to be with you, I did want to fix things and I actually wanted us to be something. 

I wanted you to take a chance on me. 

But you chose not to. But I’m also confident enough now to say, you have lost someone who would’ve done anything for you and loved you unconditionally and that I’m through feeling sad and longing for a chance to be be your side. 

In all honesty, you won’t realize how I feel because you never felt the way I have and I feel sorry for you. 

I hope you can learn to love someone so much that it hurts you inside and that you ache for days. Life is full of emotions and on top of everything that goes on in my life I didn’t appreciate your insincerity. I suggest you make your New Year resolution to become a better person, lover, and too not try as hard like the you I got to know a little about and include the passage in becoming a man and admit to your actions and own up to them. 

You might think I’m saying you’re a little shit; and well you are. But I want you to take it from me, I thank you for making me feel special for awhile, then hurting me so bad it made me cold and build unnecessary walls for anyone else that tries to love me, and for not giving me chance to waste more feelings on you. I’m done being hurt now and I might sound like some sad ass butt hurt motherfucker, know that I am and I’m owning up to it. Learn something and fuck you Pineapple King and to the feelings I once had for you. 

Sincerely,

The girl you fucked over. 

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